Thursday, November 5, 2015

And No One Listened!

"Oh I am so excited and super duper happy"
"Finally we have a date"

She said to him.

"I always waited for this day.After all this is the day that changes your life forever. Everything in your life will have two perspective post this day .You will get a co-pilot in your life who can you trust and depend on in case of any emergencies.And after a while its double the trouble and double the fun.

Strange that it takes only minutes for your heart to decide who you want to share this day with.But the mind takes a while ."

She spoke as if she knew exactly how it felt.Her mind took a decision a decade back and the heart obeyed.But it wasn't about her this time.

"So she said,are you ready?"
 "Yeah!Absolutely .Can't wait"
His face beamed with happiness

"I hope it's absolutely worth the wait.And she is indeed a very lucky women"
"Thanks But look who is talking!"
"Whatever..I am happy for you."

And suddenly as she tried to regain her balance her face hit the bar .The reckless bus driver ignored a bump ahead and had to press the brakes hard.

She just realized she hurt herself .This was not the first time she was lost in these imaginary conversations in her mind. They are now part of her life.
Every time she learnt anything about him she will have these conversations with him .Her mind always knew he is not the one but the heart never agreed. It was the day her mind won over her heart ,she found a third face.A face that always spoke her heart.A face that was heart's revenge.A face that didn't know right or wrong.A face that didn't want to be judged.A face that never quit .A face that no one saw.A face that enjoyed these imaginary conversations. And as the bus stopped,she moved on.It was time to be home and get busy living.A lovely house ,a loving husband and two lovely kids. She cooked dinner ,family exchanged entire days updates and as everyone slept,she opened her diary and started writing

How many of us live with a third face? A part of us that we never allow to be real. A part that's absent but not forgotten...Sometimes I feel is it just me or there are many like me out there...........

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Choice Chance & Change

There are two types of changes in anybody's life.

Changes that you want,plan for and work towards and then there is this other category. Changes that we dread,always avoid in our minds and never be courageous enough to make.
And this story is about one such change... It was almost 364th day of this year and nothing changed. The day commenced with running around the house trying to find the car keys that I slammed somewhere after coming home post a 2 hr long drive from work last evening. 

My mind was estimating traffic to work and all possibilities to avoid it. Complex probability equations cant help here ! The lift was still at 4th floor and the speed of thoughts in my mind were moving at a faster pace than the lift.I had to be in office in exactly 50 mins in order to take another long list of instructions from a bunch of experts in US of A.

My day job was to ensure that these instructions gets executed with perfection before they wake-up. Any value ad from me was a waste of time n effort ....

...And as soon as I realized I have meticulously crafted a memo confirming timely execution of the foreign orders,the clock ticked half past five. I knew every minute after this means a lot and have potential to become what i call a traffic nightmare.An imaginary countdown display tied on the bomb called traffic started ticking...

An hour and half later ,I was still 5 mins away from home and it was time to dial in to a meeting . I saw some flashes of powerful quotes by great women leaders. And in another attempt to break that glass ceiling and give it my best shot,I was multitasking again.

While the left side was busy processing technical jargon ,controlling direction and acceleration , some deep remote corner of right brain was working on images of dinner that night. Finally after average scores at all the above tasks, it was time to lie down and watch telly. Watching TV was a therapy where the mind got lost in something totally irrelevant that it felt disconnected. And disconnecting was comforting.
An year passed performing everything I described above in exact same order.It was time that I acknowledge the fact that something was not right and I cant fix it.

Sipping my coffee I was trying to mind map my thoughts,when the phone buzzed.The equal half of my life (better half is history now :)) announced his absence for next two months as part of his next official mission.For next few hours traversing myriad thoughts , my mind had a mind map that looked like this.

And I always felt mind mapping is most effective way to organize your thoughts to something constructive !

The phone buzzed again and there was a forward message on one of the whatsapp group.
Sometimes a boring forward is better than mind maps and other scientific techniques to read your mind.The message was

"You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change"
The mind knew that it was time to take a chance and Change .

But Change is not an easy choice.I had to step out of my comfort zone.I asked friends ,family and the equal half.Following lists the honest reactions to the thought.

"Are you sure? "
"Why? Whats Wrong?Do you REALLY want to do this?"
"Why Change ? Why not Deal with it?" "wow you are doing it ,I am not sure if i will be able to do it ever" "Why do you want to do this?" "Great go for. It" Silence "Let me.know how it goes" "Have you saved enough?"
"Give it some time ,it can be a passing thought ?" Enough of self doubt ,It was time to flip a coin. Heads it was but the heart shouted tails the moment I flipped it.

I knew tails was what i am going for.I start prepping for the change.

Internet is always the first step and a great support. After a few days of surfing around,I already got a feeling that it is not going to be easy.On the other hand ,the intensity of routine and the helplessness to deal with idiots was already stuffing me inside. After a next one week or so, a friend helped me to accelerate my pace.Yeah I was still scared inside ,I didn't know if it will turn out to be a good or bad or .All i knew was it was high time and before I loose power to think sensibly ,I must act.
Almost a month down and things started falling in place.Everything was planned and agreed upon.The discussion on numbers closed and the date decided.

Finally the day arrived ,I never felt so light,relaxed and stress free. Like I just walked out of the most expensive spa after a caviar facial following my a diamond massage !

There was a slight chill in the air around but it was pure .
People around were strangers but they smiled back.
There was no routine and I was enjoying every iota of it.It was not as scary as I imagined it to be in my mind.Somethings were new first day but absolutely manageable.
Adjustment was never my forte but I understood that adapting was crucial.
It took less than 2 days and I was in love with the new place......

High UV rays from clear sky and cute little kids with adorable pink cheeks.
No mobile networks and amazing warm locals. Low oxygen levels and proud army soldiers. Scary slippery curvy roads and beautiful camps by frozen river. Barren mountains and cold desserts. Cystal clear lakes and snow cladded peaks. Tales of demons inside peaceful monasteries. Picturesque view and extremely difficult life.
Remote yet never Isolated
The land of paradox,Ladakh.

Ladakh trip was the change I always dreaded ,never planned but absolutely loved.
A change that taught me the beauty of coexistence and gave me new perspective to look at old problems.

Everything changed post it.
I came back with a confidence to embrace change and work hard for it.

Three months down the line ,I now have a new job just 10 minutes drive away .I am working towards a fitter me at a pace of one hour a day and already feel 10 kgs lighter.And the new routine is to get up ,enjoy my day and sleep .

I don't have to flip a coin now,I know I am not afraid of changes or the "what ifs" now.